“Wow, that’s intense”
That is a typical response when we tell people how we work with couples: 12 hours over 2 days, with follow up sessions available. Yes, it is intense. Why would a couple do this? Spending this much concentrated time creates an opportunity for a couple to really go deep into whatever it is they are struggling with. It allows them to deeply explore the essential dynamics of their relationship, including both the habitual behaviors that they both learned in prior relationships, beginning with their family of origin, as well as the unique culture they have created over the course of their own relationship. It is a big investment to make in your relationship, and the potential payoff is significant.
An Intensive offers the space and time to practice with live, real-time feedback. In typical shorter couple sessions, a considerable amount of the time is spent entering and then exiting the session, emotionally. In an intensive a greater proportion of time is spent doing the work so it can go farther and deeper. This increases the potential for breakthrough. The longer the couple stays in a particular emotional state, or in the context of a particular conflict, the more likely they are to achieve an insight or breakthrough a stuck pattern in a way that can allow them to make lasting shifts in their relationship.
Why two therapists?
Even the best therapist can only see the couple through their own eyes and though the necessarily limited lens of their own training and experience. Adding a second therapist gives the couple access to a different perspective, informed by a different suite of training and experience. Additionally, when there is just a single therapist, she/he is “on” all the time, and their creativity is limited by their need to respond to the emerging dynamic. With a second therapist in the room, one is always free to be in listening mode which allows them to expand their perspective and bring additional curiosity, including towards the emotional state of the non-responding partner. Two therapists have greater capacity to track both the individual members of the couple, as well as the relationship between them.
What’s it like to work with us?
We like to think it’s fun! We bring complimentary styles; Ben tends to be more directive and challenging, focusing on the relationship, Eleanor focuses more on the intra-personal system and will often slow things down. We have been in relationship with each other for over 30 years, and over that time we have grown beyond our own insecure attachment styles into a securely attached relationship that we are able to model. You will have a chance to explore your own attachment history in a way that neither you nor your partner may have fully understood. You will bring your actual lived relationship into the room where we will work with it, with coaching and intervention, giving you an opportunity to learn new insights and new skills to relate to the complex human being you are partnered with.
Is it for you?
This way of working is good for a couple that has something big going on – a significant issue that they need to resolve, a significant betrayal that needs to be repaired. It is also good for a couple that wants to do a few months’ worth of therapy in a single weekend, who want to make a significant shift in a short amount of time.
Believe it or not, anyone, no matter what your experience in past relationships, is able to achieve a secure and safe relationship with the partner they have chosen. In our work together, we will help you develop the insights and skills you need to move toward this goal faster than you thought possible.
To learn more and explore whether this might be right for you, schedule a free consultation with us – email info@me-you-we.com.